Jehovah Rapha Come; Make Yourself Known!

So, recently I've noticed that I become agitated very easily and don't have very much patience for things. I got my prescription for Tramadol filled a couple days ago and read the side affects,which I haven't done since I started taking it. So, it's been awhile. It of course had a long list of side affects but one specifically that it listed was agitation. I was like yay obviously that is what is bothering me. Have you ever been snowed in, I mean actually snowed in for a couple days? Well, I have been at my Grandma's before with my mom and brother. It was for about three days longer than we intended on staying there. My brother and I were getting so restless that my mom made us do laps outside around the house. ha ha! Anyways, the feeling that I'm having inside my body is like being snowed in. I know it's kind of a weird comparison, but tis the season. I randomly want to kick, scream or punch something. I try to help myself and sometimes crying or talking about it really helps. ha ha! I am still in pain so, I know it's not time to wean off of tramadol yet, however badly I don't want to be on medication, I've realized that there is a time and a place for it in some occasions. Today was my last day of Physical Therapy. I was discharged after being there since May, so about seven months. Wow that's a long time. It's been a journey. So, as she told me that this was it she said "you look nervous." I said that I was and started to cry. It's been a long road and they've been there and I've gotten to know them. I guess if they feel confident with where I am at I am content with that. They said that the best thing that I can do for myself is to keep up my stretches and exercises. I know that I want to continually get stronger and healthier so, I believe that I will do that for myself!!

Testify!

As days become weeks and now that snow is starting to fall, I'm okay with saying I've missed a few days. I want to apologize for not letting you know "whatever did happen to me Sunday." They told me that one of my vertebrates got stuck or caught as I bent over because some muscles tightened or something like that. I've never heard of before. Since I've talked last I've traveled quite a bit to MO to see my brother and to NE to visit other relatives. While I was in MO visiting my bro at IHOP I enjoyed myself, but have since decided that if I am going to do an internship it is best that I wait till after January to go. Mostly because of my health and finances. Since I got sick I haven't been able to work. Though I have been busy trying to sell some stuff on eBay and that seems to help a bit. It's just like anyone else I got bills to pay every month. : ( The story of my sickness and what all happened still needs to unfold bit by bit.....I haven't forgot about you. I guess I was just being lazy and didn't want to make this a priority. As far as of late my health has been good. Every once in a while I will wake up with pain in my joints, but not too often. The pain in my back and glutes is still there, some days better than others and I'm still icing! Traveling is still uncomfortable to be sitting, or standing for any long period of time is difficult on my body. I want to tell you that when I went to my Dr. appt. in Sept. we did labs and then we talked about it on Nov. 4th when I went in again. She said that before I was hospitalized my F.A.N.A.  (fluorescent antinuclear antibody) (which tells if you have an auto-immune disease) was at a 3.3, while I was in the hospital a 3.5 and is currently sitting at a 4.3. So, she said that I probably need to talk to my Rheumatologist to get back on a immune-o-suppressive (like plaquenil) so that my lupus/transverse myelitis doesn't act up again. I have a Rheumatologist appt at the end of the month. I am kind of ready cause I don't want my FANA to go higher, but I also don't want to be on another drug like plaquenil with all the side affects! YUCK! My Neurologist was also really impressed with my progress, she checked my reflexes which were heightened in the hospital and even a piece of cotton felt like a knife on my skin, now one of her her metal tools on the bottom of my foot didn't even make my foot twitch. She had me walk like I was on a tightrope forwards and backwards. She said if a Dr. who knew you had Transverse Myelitis saw you doing that, they wouldn't even think you had it. I believe that I am a WALKING Miracle and that it is for God's Glory! Praise the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ!

Whatever Happened To Me Sunday?!?

So, as I told you on Friday the physical therapist tried to do something new. A manipulation of some sort on my muscles and bones by applying pressure. Well it hurt quite a bit afterwards but I tolerated it. I think she bruised me. Anyways, Saturday, I did all of my stretches, some were more tight and painful than others. Saturday I managed just fine, it's Sunday that got me. Sunday I woke up got ready for church and then right before I was about to walk out the door I sat down to put my shoes on. That's where it happened a very sharp pain across my lower back. This pain felt like what people say a pinched nerve might feel like. I tried doing my stretches and that didn't help. I then found myself on the bed in the back bedroom. I couldn't move my right leg a foot off the bed. I couldn't roll over I was in so much pain. I was crying cause I wanted to go to church, the pain, and being in one of these situations yet again. I tried to sit up just enough to wipe my tears and blow my nose but it hurt to try to sit up, and to blow my nose. I thought that was pretty weird. We ended up calling a Chiropractor and we were told to ice it and go to urgent care. One because they can't see anyone on Sunday's and because I would need more than what they could do in one adjustment. So we iced it, got changed, that presented quite the challenge but go it done while having to bear the pain. My parents took me to urgent care good thing it was open on a Sunday. I wasn't feeling much like visiting the E.R. I didn't think it was necessary. We got to Urgent Care I was having trouble walking cause it hurt to step on my right foot. Also because I couldn't stand straight up. At urgent care they said they couldn't do an x-ray unless it was an accident. They gave me a prescription for cyclobenzaprine a muscle relaxer. They also told me to call my primary Dr. the next day and let them know. So with all that being said I've been sleeping a lot because the cyclobenzaprine makes me tired. I've been icing as much as I can, and taking aleve as needed. I have physical therapy today....how do you think I feel about going? Well let me tell you. I feel anticipation for what they are gonna do to fix this and yet a little nervous cause they made it do this once, why not again? Then also a little bit of anger cause they made/allowed it happen in the first place. I'm still in a lot of pain today better than Sunday, but I still look forward to feeling better soon!!

~Mallory

Jesus IS The Great Physician!!!

Hey, so I've kind of fallen off of the band wagon of blogging everyday. I'm okay with that and I think many of you may be as well. Today I'm gonna go write a bit about yesterday and who knows what else. I woke up yesterday with quite a bit of pain in my lower back. I had stayed up late the night before watching my niece and nephew. That are full of energy! : ) We had a great time bonding together! It was super cute, I was praying for my niece who is four. I prayed that God would protect her at daycare and preschool. That He would protect and guard her eyes, ears, mind and heart. She was shaking her head as I was praying saying "yes." As I was finishing she said " My heart is beeping from God!"  How precious is that!! : ) Anyways, I stayed up late at least till 1 o'clock. What was I thinking? Then I was up at 8 o'clock with my nephew!! : ) I went home around 10 o'clock crawled back in bed for an hour or two, got up and went to physical therapy. I had a different therapist again. Instead of doing ultra sound therapy or graston tools they did some different kind of manipulation of the muscles by applying pressure to the area. They told me that I was quite out of whack. In some people's opinion I should go back to a chiropractor. I don't know it might not be a bad idea, but after all that has happened I'm kind of leery. I also don't want to mess up anything that the physical therapists have done for me. I was totally fine all day emotionally, then all of the sudden out of no where, I wanted to punch something. Why? I have no idea! My meds? I supposed that could be a possibility, but if they weren't safe why would my Dr. let me be on them for so long? That being said that rest of my day was a tough one. I was waiting for a breakthrough with something. Wanting to get something sold. That's been kind of slow this week unfortunately. Then as it is getting colder it will become impossible to live in a camper. The pipes will freeze, and we can't have that.  So, we are trying to decide and figure out where we might live. ugh! Oh well! Anyways, my day ended in tears over everything that is going on in my body, and in my life. I really seem to handle it well. I mean if you ask me how I am doing I am going to be honest with you and let you know where I am at with pain and fatigue. I will let you know what the doctors say and what the prognosis is. So, I think that I am entitled to a tearful bout of waterworks to clear my system and release some feelings. Then hopefully feel better right?!? I didn't sleep well last night, had a interesting dream that I need to talk to my brother about if I can remember. Maybe he can give me some insight on it. I was up at 8 o'clock we drove to my aunts an hour away and I slept the whole way. we got to my aunts and I slept another two hours. Sometimes, okay most times it amazes me how much sleep my body needs and how tired I get. Crazy! Okay well I think I'm gonna go take another nap. HA HA! Who knows! I was doing my stretches today and woah am I tight and sore. I hope what they did will be a step into progress. I've been going to physical therapy for like 5-6 months. They say that people usually go 2 months and 3 months is pushing it. I was saying that it seems like a really long time to be here then they assured me that for what happened it was just fine. They're happy with the progress that we are making and expect for us to be coming to an end hopefully sooner than later!

Peace, ^^ @ !! () R `:"

When Jesus heard this, he told them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners." Mark 2:17

The Weird

It's Wednesday of "next week." I know I said that I would start on my story and I thought since I wrote some about it on Saturday that would give me a little head start. It is however harder to write about all of this then you might think. I tried to think of what I might write for the past couple days and didn't seem to get any idea. I  mean I know what happened to me so yes of course that is still fresh in my mind. It's just the fact that I don't know what to say and how to word it, and I don't wanna miss a thing.

I guess I'll continue. After about two weeks on my walking adventure Saturday, March 27th my right foot began to tingle. I tried to shake it off and it continued....for days. So, on Monday, March 29th I decided to go to a chiropractor to see if they could fix the tingling in my foot. I thought I must have something pinched no big deal. They went a head and tried to adjust me to no avail. I was told that the muscles in my back and glutes were so tight that they couldn't get me to budge.

 Later, that same day I was over at my brother's and we set up our old 15' trampoline from when we were younger. My niece of course wanted me to jump with her, how can you say no to a three year old? So, I did which turned out to be weird cause I was already starting to have tingling now in both feet and they were becoming numb. I would compare it to a tingling and numbness you get after you are sitting on your foot for hours, and you don't even know it's asleep till you try and move. It's like you have got a dead leg. For any of you with a sibling who punches you know what I'm talking about. Anyways, when I was finished jumping which didn't last long, I jumped down lost my balance and fell back hit the bar right on my lower back. Lets just say the pain there hasn't left since.

 Then on Wednesday, March 31st  I had another chiropractic appointment. I was pretty concerned at this point. Because the tingling/numbness was creeping all the way up both legs. I also had an intense pain in my right pelvic area. I was at the chiro and they still couldn't adjust me. After that, yep there is more, and I thought to myself now this is where it gets weird.  I was having a terrible skin sensitivity in my legs, but more so in my inner thighs. It felt like a burning, tingling, pinpricking sensation that made it so I couldn't even handle the brush of my finger tip or certain clothing. That sensation continued upwards to my abdomen and chest. I would say that it affected me and remained the worse in the abdomen.

Let's just go ahead and continue with the weird. Through all of this time It's March right, it's getting to be like mid 60's. I'm sitting in my bed under the covers with sweatpants, sweatshirt and fuzzy socks on. My feet then were the coldest part of my body, and still remain to this day to be the coldest part sometimes without relief. I then began to experience urinary and bowel incontinence. TMI! I know, but if someone with Transverse Myelitis is reading this, I don't want to leave anything out. Anyways, I have to wrap this up for today I have to get to P.T.! So, they can bruise me again ha ha they got me pretty bad last time good thing I had a weekend break from them. :D

Later, Mallory

Jesus is Alive!

As I sit here to write my blog, as tired as ever I look for insight on what to say. What comes next? While I was in the hospital I began to write. I was encouraged by nurses, family, doctors, and friends to write. I had no interest in writing, at all whatsoever. They didn't know then that all there notebooks and probing would lead to this blog. Well, I got about two weeks and four pages in and had to stop. My current situation and the gripping reality of it all struck me. It struck me hard. The whole time things were happening with my body that weren't normal, I knew I had to figure it out. So, meanwhile you just want to know what's going on with you, till you actually find out. When I was in the hospital I was pretty relieved to know they figured it out. Not really knowing then what it all entailed and the pain that followed. Anyways saying all of that to tell you that I went to read some of what I wrote to know where to go next. As I read it I began to weep. I saw where I was and couldn't believe that I went through all of that. Key word there : THROUGH!!! God has brought me through so much for his glory! More on that point later. I just want to share with you the first paragraph of my journal I started in the hospital.

In every season life brings forth something new, something that we are usually unsure of, we look to it expectant of what the future may hold. However, the things the seasons bring forth aren’t always what we are looking forward to.  As we hold onto hopes they might fail us. People aren’t the answer. You may have great people that stand beside you, but you might not know it till something comes up that’s unexpected and challenging. That still is not the answer, God is the end all say all, hold fast and trust him in everything you have confrontation with.

God Is Good, And His Mercy Endures Forever, Mallory

The Greatest Commandment!

As you may have read, I am busy making a website, and you can actually check it out here: thegamersfix! I'm busy trying to make an income to pay my bills as well as making a way to go to I.H.O.P. I guess I should begin this blog by telling you what happened at the prayer and prophecy conference and how I felt while I was gone. It was really hard on my body to be in the vehicle all day pretty much everyday. My back was in a lot of pain and I was sitting on a special pillow to help ease the discomfort. It also helped to lean the car seat as back as far as I could. Sleep was a big requirement and something I couldn't miss out on. Sometimes needing rest between stops, but it was worth missing some of the scenery since I've seen it before. :D Do you all remember when I got that MRI done like 3 weeks ago now? Well the bruise is finally starting to fade. It was tender about an inch and a half up from where they poked me. I think I may be starting to get some scarring going on. That is according to my cousin who is a phlebotomist. Anyways it looks like I will have to start using my right arm for labs. Oh the nurse called and said that my myelin sheath is continuing to heal. There are improvements and they're impressed! My pain this last week has been pretty bad........but it has subsided. I had a Physical Therapy appt on Tuesday. They used the graston tool. I know have a purple bruise the size of a small grapefruit on my backside. It was tender for a day or so, but is now better. Which is good because I go again tomorrow!

IHOP :
@ IHOP I went over to the internship table during one of the sessions because I just couldn't sit anymore.
I also wanted to know more about what all the internships were about, since I am considering doing one. I told them that I wasn't sure if now was the right time because of what's going on with my body right now. They asked all about what it entails, and then asked if they could pray for me. I of course said "yes!" It was a man and a woman. I don't know either of there names. The man prayed first and said that, "I have a spirit of compassion because of all that I have been through." The lady prayed next. As she prayed my whole body but especially my right leg (which was affected first and more so than the left) began to shake profusely. She said "Mallory, God has given you a spirit of fire and that He delights in it!" WOW!!!!! Next we were in a session where people went up to exercise there gifts and give prophecy's. I was sitting by myself praying and my left leg began to shake uncontrollably. A gentlemen came up to me and said I believe that your leg is shaking because God is preparing you to minister in a way that you never have before. Saturday night my mom and I stayed in the prayer room with my brother from 1 am - 6 am. I went to sit down in some chairs in the back, and a lady came to pray for me. As she was praying she told me that she saw a arch and Jesus was standing on it with his arms spread wide open, and He was saying "Mallory ask of me whatever you need!!" There was yet another, but I'm not ready to share it just yet.

Can this be a really long blog?  Please?
I want to go back and tell of what happened on March 15th of this year. We moved from our rental home and into our R.V. I found myself majorly stressed and in need of time with myself. So, I set out on a walking adventure to be on my own while spending time seeking out God, and trying to figure out where my life was headed. The whole shift of surrounding had proven to be a very stressful and challenging situation for me to deal with. I needed space, something that a camper usually lacks very much of.  I was so frustrated with my circumstances that I just needed to find a way out. I was almost distaught, with bills, being jobless and living in a camper with my parents. On my first day of walking I went two miles out and two miles back. I was determined to make that a routine for the summer. At the halfway point that day As I was just talking to God, I asked Him, "What he wanted me to do with my life."  I stopped in the middle of the road and saw plain as day written on a little white shed "THE GREATEST COMMANDMENT....Matthew 22:36-40 (The whole verse)

The next day I was at home and got a email update from our church. The first verse on that email was
Matt. 22:36-40. Well if that isn't confirmation right there. Thank You God!!!!

I will continue bit by bit on the story! God is good!

They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them- Romans 2:15

Peace in Christ, Mallory

Things are shifting!

Ok wow, I know that I haven't blogged in quite a while. I got home from my trip of seeing my brother and  going to the prayer and prophecy conference. Wow the stories I have to tell. I have lots to do. I'm currently working on a website. I have intentions of going to International house of prayer for a internship. After everything that has happened with me I am not able to have a full time job. Buying and selling is my income right now. I know that God will provide! Can't wait to update everyone. I will get going on my story too probably next week...hopefully!! :D

Short and Sweet, Mallory

There Is A Fountain Full Of Grace That Flows From Emmanuels Viens; And It Came And It Healed Me!

This morning was pretty rough on me. I woke up and felt like the only thing I could move was my mouth and my eyelids. ha ha! I did however make it out of bed and struggled to quickly get ready for the day. For breakfast we went out for donuts with my cousin and his fiance'. She wanted us to meet her nieces and nephew. They were pretty darn cute!! As we were shopping this morning I was having hot and cold sweats. I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up or pass out. I don't have a history of fainting, so I wasn't really worried about that. I have a pretty strong stomach, so I guess that wasn't a concern either. I just didn't know what was up with my body. I was sooooo tired after that, that I got in the van and feel asleep almost immediately. I guess I really needed it. I figured it was a crash from those sugary donuts. When I woke up, I thought I could do it all over again. : ) It was kind of a short day today, I was home before 7. It was nice because I know that I need my rest any little extra helps! As far as my back pain today other than this morning of course, was not as bad as it has been the past two days. I am very thankful for that! Tomorrow is my younger brothers birthday! He won't be a teenager anymore. Your so OLD! ; ) I love you, and I hope your day is amazing! The cool thing about that is that we get to celebrate with him! On Friday, I'm going to a prayer and prophecy conference. I am ubber excited about it! In August I was prophecied over and told that I have the gift of prophecy. So, I am going to nurture that gift! : D  That's quite the story in it's self and yes, you will get to hear it, but today is not the day. I hope everyone had a good day today! I will be looking forward to updating everyone about what transpires at the conference this weekend.

HE IS JEHOVAH RAPHA MY HEALER!!!

There Is A River - Catherine Mullins


~Mallory

Holding on, Holding Strong.....God's Promises Are New Every Morning!

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of when I went into the hospital. I've really came a long way from where I was at. However, I have pain and fatigue everyday. There are still lots of limitations in my daily activities. The past two days I have been traveling, walking, shopping, traveling, walking, shopping, traveling......did I mention walking? lol! I've been to 3 states this weekend. To be honest with you I don't think I could ever explain or describe the degree of pain I experience to any extent. That would almost be the same for the fatigue. I get past the point of tired, and into anger. Speaking of anger, I've been having quite a bit of it. I don't know if you know what RA (rheumatoid arthritis) feels like. I guess when I first started having pain in my pointer finger back in 2007 I told my mom that it felt like it was broken (yes I've had a broken bone before). Anyways it's pretty excruciating. So, think about a back ache, a head ache, sprained ankles ect, and having that pain all the time. Wouldn't that rub you the wrong way, just a bit? I woke up yesterday and my fingers, shoulders, toes, and back all hurt BAD!! I almost feel asleep during church. I also cried during church. The pain is so draining, both emotionally and physically. Today I took all the pain meds that I could and had my mom push me around in a wheelchair through a couple of stores. I was just getting too weak and tired. I found out this weekend that I still can't manage the crouching position. I went down to look in a glass case at a store and had to ask my mom to retrieve me. It's hard to see myself at this place because I have had better days, but you never know what the next day will hold. Just because I am out of the hospital that doesn't mean that I am all the sudden better. I still take 7-10 pain meds 3 times daily. I ice my back and put all kinds of different muscle rubs on it. I've been going to physical therapy 3x a week since May. I've seen Rheumatologists, Neurologists, and Optomologists. I'm in pain, pain and more pain 24/7 for the past 6 months now. I'm not saying there isn't improvement, I can walk! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

Goodnight! Mallory

A Story Undone, A Page Is Turned!

Hey, so yesterday was the first time since I started this blog that I haven't written anything. I was actually going to come on and put a post last night saying is it alright to say I'm too tired to blog today, the end. ha ha!
Today and yesterday i was pretty sore in my back because all of the traveling. My joints have actually been doing pretty well. PTL!!! Anyays, I'm going to have a pretty busy following week. We are going to a prayer and prophecy conference at I.H.O.P. (that's International House Of Prayer for those of you who don't know). I'm pretty excited about it! So, I know that you have probably been patiently waiting to hear my story. I'm glad that you are willing to follow along as it goes, I appreciate that. When I get home from my trip, I will continue the story and delve deeper into what occurred this Spring. Thanks for reading! : )

Talk to Y'all next week then! ~<Mallory>~

There once was a place, and a time called hope and trust, I have found it again!

Today was an extremely busy day. I woke up with minimal pain! Though it still isn't fun to wake up and need someone to help you out of bed in the morning. Also to be crouched over, and not be able to have the use of your hands for the first hour of the day. We are having a garage sale this weekend, and haven't worked on getting stuff ready at all this week. So, today was the day because the sale is tomorrow. Also it is my niece's birthday this weekend so we went into town and got her some pizza and cake to help her celebrate! I had a physical therapy appointment today. It was the first I've had in a month. It was nice to finally get in. They did ultra sound therapy which is a deep heat wave. Then after that they use a bee's wax cream and what's called a graston tool. It is like a thin long piece of steel that they use to rub out the scar tissue, so that it lays flat. When we scar the tissue builds up and can cause the muscles to tighten or to pinch a nerve. So, when they get it laying flat it is better able to heal. Then I came home after my appointment and had to pack for a quick trip that I am taking. It might be periodic blogging for the rest of this following week. I feel like I just blogged...hmm yesterday??? : )

I want to talk a bit about this place called hope and trust. There was a time in my life that I was really close to God, He was speaking to me, showing me things, and people were prophesying over my life. Then I had a vision and multiple things were being spoken over me, and shown to me. It was a promise that I believed to be from God, but as it consumed every bit of my thinking for close to a yr. and it didn't come to fruition. I began to question God and his faithfulness. I had a hard time trusting, because hope deferred really does make a heart sick. I experienced it! I now believe it was a way for Satan to draw my attention away from Christ. How deceitful he can be! I have since that time cried out to return to my first love. The love of my Savior Jesus Christ and to be close to Him again as I was before. Since I have gotten sick, I have experienced God in so many ways. Through the people I meet in the hospital, verses God has shown me, and prophecies that have been spoken over my life (my future). I believe that all that I have gone through is for God's glory and that he really does have a plan and a purpose for each and everyone of us. I really want to encourage you to hold fast to that! I have returned to a place called hope and trust! His name is Jesus and He is my Refuge!

Be still and know that He is God!
~ Mallory

Hope Deferred Makes A Heart Sick!!

To be honest with you, I don't feel much like blogging today. I suppose there will be standstills in posting when I don't have access to a computer, or just don't feel like it. Today I woke up and was pretty stiff in my joints. I was up close to 10:30 I suppose. I got some pills in me and was able to move my fingers enough to have a chat with my aunt online at 11:00. It's pretty nice that it doesn't take much longer than that, because sometimes that's too long. Last month I had a dentist appointment and they filled a tooth that I broke. It was one of the worst dentist experiences I've had. So, today I had an appointment at the same place. As soon as I got into the parking lot they called me and said they had to cancel because they didn't have enough x-rays. That was kind of frustrating. I told them that I was still having pain with the tooth they filled last time. They went ahead and got me in because I was already 15 minutes early anyways. The Dentist decided that he was going to do that filling all over again. Thank goodness it was a different Dentist then before! I think that it will be better now, here's hoping!!!! Other than that I didn't do much today. I tried to get a nap in but that didn't really happen. I got to see my niece and nephew today, it's always good to see them!! My nephew has been running a pretty high temp. he was a good bit warm, but it was good to see that he was okay. I think that's plenty enough from me today!

"Lord, teach us to suffer in a way that is pleasing to you, joyful for us, and profitable for others." - Mark Driscoll

The Patient; Patient :)

Yesterday afternoon I had a Narmer from Erbert's and Gerbert's. I later realized that it had sprouts on it. I once read somewhere that sprouts can cause a flare up of lupus. I also walked around Sam's club for an hour while the tire's on our vehicle got rotated. This morning I woke up and was sore in my fingers and toes. Well of course in my back too, but that is not what I want to hone in on here. Anyways I can't say if the sprouts affected my joints, or if it was the walking for a hour in flip flops that made my toes hurt. Usually when I wake up in the morning my joints hurt, that's just how it has been. I think I also read somewhere that, that's the case with most people affected by lupus. I had an eye appointment today. When I got there, there was about 30 patients in the waiting room. In August when I was there, there were less people waiting and it took longer. So, I thought this was going to take forever. However, I was in and out in about an hour and a half. :) It was kind of weird because they numbed my eye so they could check the ocular pressure. They said that the normal pressure is between 12 - 22. Mine was at 18, so it was pretty average. Last time they told me that my eyes were pretty dry and prescribed me restasis. I didn't want to take it because they told me it would take 6 months to start taking affect and then if it worked I would have to be on it my whole life. I really didn't want to do that, so I didn't. Today they told me that my eyes looked really good and that they weren't as dry as last time! PTL!!!!! So, that makes me happy that I don't have to take restasis, just have to use artificial tears everyday. I'm okay with that! I've got appointments all week except Friday. I do however have stuff planned all weekend. So it will continue to be a full week!

Peace and Love!

There isn't much that can compare to waking up in the morning popping 7-10 drugs at a time and then getting stabbed with a needle. I'm not saying the nurse I had this morning for my MRI wasn't gentle. I'm just saying who likes it. So, the needle has to go in and stay in during the scan so that halfway through they can add the contrast dye. Contrast dye is a solution that is used to accentuate specific structures when looking at an image. It accentuates the differences between tissues. The MRI contrast alters the magnetic properties of tissue. The altered properties will differentiate tissue types on the MRI image. So, with this being my third MRI this year, and fourth overall, I have gotten kind of familiar with how it works. After getting my MRI done I went to run some errands. Now I am at home resting!!!

Back to the Story:
In 2008 I Graduated from college, my parents moved to a new town, and I moved from where I was going to school and in with them. At the time I did not see this as the ideal situation, I now know that it was the best. So, we lived in a rental home from 2008 to the spring of 2010. While we lived there I called, emailed, and sent out numerous resumes so that I could get a job. I sent them out to no avail. I did however in the winter of 2009 acquire a internship that I kept till I got sick. So, in March I was interning, new friends were leaving, and we were moving again, now into our camper on March 15th. As you may have already read that we have moved all throughout my life, so I would say that I am pretty adaptable. So, we moved back into our camper, and I was pretty upset about our current situation, and how I couldn't find work, and that my school loans were so overbearing (and still are). I recently had a dream though that I was worrying about my loans and God told me he has a plan! WOOT! Anyways, there is a lot to share about what all happened this spring so I will tell you just a bit everyday.

Have a good one friends, Mallory

Grace Is Enough!!!!!!!!!

I don't have much today. This morning I woke up, ha ha! Thank the Lord! :D Anyways with that being said, I was in pain in my waking. I did however survive!!! Meds Meds Meds!  Went to church this morning, that was really good! However, I got really tired towards the end!!! Went out to eat with my bro and his fam. That was really nice! Then did some quick shopping with my mother and sister-in-law. We got some things for my niece's new room for her birthday next week. After that we came home and I kept the kids till around six o'clock. It was very nice to see and spend time with the kiddo's!!! It really tired me out and I needed to get some substance in me so that I could take meds right after they left! : D We had so much fun outside. They actually played in some water even with the weather being around 65 degrees. They are funny! My nephew was playing with a potato as he was on the counter. I put him down, and I think he had already thrown the potato on the ground. I think he wanted to play catch or dodge spud. Anyways it hit me right in lip. It got fat right away and I put a little ice on it and it went down as quick as it appeared. I love them so much!!!!!!!

- short and sweet, Mallory

Stepping Stones!

I don't really know about how interesting it is to be blogging everyday. I would think that it kind of gets boring. Today I went to garage sales again. That was pretty fun, I guess. LOL! Another late night last night, I was up till 2 am. I was up at 9:30 and I didn't even have a nap today. I was pretty surprised. When I woke I had pain in both my back and joints. It was however not too bad and I'm sure the gabapentin was key. So as soon as meds kicked in I was just fine. We ran lots of errands today and had to pick up two extra meds. yay! :/ When we got home we even went for a mile walk with a ravine/valley in the middle. I for sure had to do some stretching after that. 


Back to the story:
Lets just say that after going to the Rheumatologist in 2007 and having labs drawn, I was diagnosed with lupus. I was home alone at the time that I got the letter, and my parents were across the united states over 22 hours away. I didn't know much about what that meant and entailed. The only thing I knew was that my finger hurt and I was always very exhausted. So, shortly after being diagnosed and having excruciating pain in my hand for 3-4 months, I was given a cortisone injection in the knuckle of my right pointer finger. For those of you who have never had a cortisone injection, it stings and burns like heck. I think I held my breathe as they did it, and my face turned red. Ha it wasn't fun, but it was an experience. You know something I haven't had done before kind of makes it interesting. I am then also able to know what other people feel when they talk about the pain they've experienced. I have more compassion than I did before. I'm more keen on knowing the reason behind the symptoms by hearing people talk in there everyday conversations. It has been quite the journey, but I believe that I am being taken on it for a bigger reason, one that I may never realize. Blessed be the rock that is higher than I!

Peace Like A River!

This is getting to be quite the routine. Last night I went to bed around 1 a.m.  You may ask, what were you thinking. Well I was thinking sleep, sleep, sleep, but my body was being rebellious. I woke up at 10 this morning and went to some garage sales with my mama. We got really tired out and had to come home and rest. At that point my eye mask that I bought yesterday really came in handy. After about an hour and a half nap we went out again to more sales. lol! Yeah, cool thing is though that I got some stuff that I'm going to resell. So, it makes me want to go back tomorrow and find some more deals. This morning I was hurting both in my back and a little bit in my right pointer finger. About a half an hour after taking meds my joints and back were feeling better! I really think that going back to my regular dosage of gabapentin has helped!! I think that's it for now. I almost forgot to blog tonight. I was so tired. I'm gonna try to get some stuff on craigslist at some point this weekend. Oh, I need to see my niece and nephew this weekend, I'm having withdrawals. I haven't seen them since Sunday!

Peace! ~ Mallory

The Sparrow : The Songbird!!!

So, I woke up early this morning, okay early for me anyways. I went in and had my appointment with my Neurology Dr. She is great! She had lots of questions for me, of course. We spoke about how being off of two different medications is affecting me. I'm really glad to be off of them and feel much better without plaquenil and zoloft. :) She was very impressed with how God relieved me of worry and anxiety. (more on that later) She told me that my reflexes were less hyped then last time. Which is good, because when I was in the hospital, and at my prior Dr. visits my reflexes have been really heightened. She had me walk as though I was on a tight rope, forwards then backwards to test my balance. She said "that it's better as well."  I asked her about doing labs and she had already planned to. Also I asked her about scheduling a MRI and she said "yep were gonna do that as well." I guess we were on the same wavelength today. So, my MRI is set up for Oct. 4th. at 9:40. Seriously who gets up that early?? HA HA! You got to know that I sleep a lot because everything that's going on with me. I am usually very tired, fatigue hits me like a _______ (fill in the blank)! Ooh speaking of sleep, I got a cool eye mask at Target that's really super soft. I'm excited about it! Sleep promotes healing, so I guess I'm doing the right thing!! Am I tired today??? The answer to that one would be a BIG FAT YES!!! Is my back sore today, YES. Actually pretty bad today, don't know what's up with that. Oh also my neurologist told me that it's not very likely that I became immune to tramadol. She did say that I should up my dose of gabapentin, which I cut back on in CO so that I didn't run out. Gabapentin helps blocks the pain signals from entering my brain. So, I might be hurting and not even know it. Does that sound weird?? I think it does to me. So they did labs on me as I said. They are running tests for lupus, blood type, RA, and two other things that I can't remember or was never told. They are making sure that my liver and kidneys are in good condition and working properly. : )

I couldn't find my medical records otherwise I would have written more about the yesteryear's of my life.

Live each day to the fullest! ~ Mallory

All You Need Is; Faith Like A Little (mustard) Seed!!!!

Officially two weeks in. Emotionally today was super hard. Let the water works flow. My younger brother went back to K.C. today. It was sad to see him go, but I'm very glad that he is where he's at. It's just plain hard to leave people I love after all I've been through. I had lots of stuff piling up on my to do list, deadlines on paperwork that needed to be in, and decisions that are needing to be made. So that was all weighing on me. Yesterday I was going to hang out with a very good friend of mine, but it didn't work out. I was pretty bummed. I called her to reschedule and even though she is a very bright and happy person, I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I felt terrible. Hopefully though we will be able to connect next week to catch up. Been way too long since I've seen you girl!

On with my life's story as interesting as it is. So, I know that I've mentioned moving has been a big part of my life, so much so that I don't remember which birthday I had where. Anyways, I'm gonna shorten this all up. I know I said I was going to put my story on here, but I'm going to get to the important parts and fast forward a bit. When I was thirteen, I went to detassel corn (for any of you Midwesterners you know what I'm talking about) in NE with some cousins of mine.  I was fine till a week in. I started getting really sick, and  got corn rash ect. My aunts encouraged me to stay and continue, but I just couldn't anymore. I called my parents early one morning and asked them to come and get me. They drove 12 hrs through the day, and picked me up. Then drove another 12 hrs back home through the night, and a storm. Just in time for my Dad to be home for work. When I got home I was bed ridden. My joints ached everywhere from my ankles, knees, hips, wrists ect... I couldn't even walk the pain was so extreme. I was swollen in all of those joints. Of course at this point we started seeking medical attention. Let the poking begin. Labs, labs and more labs were drawn. No one seemed to be able to figure it out. After about a month or so the pain started to subside. Shortly after that though for the first time I started to get very bad migraines. Let the testing begin. Dr's recommended that I see an optometrist. He said "that everything looked good, you have nothing to be concerned about." I continued to have migraines, so we saw the Dr. again. This time they suggested that I get my first ever MRI. At age thirteen an MRI is kind of a scary thing, not knowing what they might find.......even more so. They said "that everything looked healthy and normal." Again nothing to be concerned about there. Eventually my migraines ceased.

Then, In the spring of 2007 my right pointer finger began hurting. I went to the Doctor who thought maybe I just sprained it. She had me tape my two fingers together to see if that would help. Nothing seemed to help it. I went back to the Doctor after a month or so and she said "that I needed to see a specialist. I tried to get a job but I just couldn't keep it because I couldn't use my right finger. Ha that sounds kind of weird I know, but I couldn't write, type or have full function of that hand. So, with that said I went and saw a specialist a.k.a. a rheumatologist. Again with the poking!!!! Let's just say that I have discovered which arm I like them to use, and which vein. I guess I'm just trying to help the phlebotomist out.

I will tell you more about what the rheumy said later. I have to look up my medical records for exact details.

Peace and Love! ~ Mallory

Day 13

Day Thirteen, were almost two weeks in on this blog. It has been interesting trying to figure out what to write and what it actually means to be doing this. So, I started to write the very beginning of my story (the extremely condensed version) Now, I have to figure out where to go next. For now I will just say that it is interesting to be posting my life story for all the world to see. Ha ha I know that it was my decision and that I have already begun the story. HhMm Ugh!!!! I don't know what to say at this point. Does anyone have any ideas?? I'm kind of wondering if this has any meaning. Anyways, today I was tired of course, but not nearly as much as usual. Which is nice! My back was hurting terribly bad yesterday, and it was hard to keep up with my family as we walked through the mall. Had to take extra aleve and Tylenol as well as ice my back when we got home. It wasn't as bad today, but still in pain. I'm enjoying spending time with my bro! We are gonna get Chinese and a movie tonight! YAY!

All I've got for now friends, Mallory

It's HIS-Story, But It's All Part Of The Tapestry!

A Story is a common term for a description of a sequence of events, or a statement regarding the facts pertinent to a situation in question. It contains many pages and some are yet to be turned. Let me tell you about some that I have already lived.

I was born in a small town that many of you have never been to, or will ever hear of.  The only person in my family other than myself that was born in the same hospital as me was my father. I have a older bro by four years and a younger bro by four years. I remember when I was 3 years old, I got pneumonia. I was put in the hospital, the same one that I was born in. I remember being in bed with a humidifier blowing in my little area. Because I know that there was a plastic curtain encompassing the bed. I was a 3yr old in a plastic bubble. I know that people came to visit me and brought me books to read while I was there. My mom came up on my bed and laid there with me to comfort me. I remember having to get a antibiotic shot. I started kindergarten in a small town of less than 1,000. I was five turning six when I started school. I remember getting chicken pox and my grandpa passing away all in that same year. When I was in first grade (7yrs old) we moved. So the story goes that we moved, and we moved, and we moved. I have moved more times than the years of my life. I have lived in four different states, in peoples houses, rv's (in driveways and state parks), rentals, and hotels...ect. I recently told my grandma that I was raised in the back seat of numerous different vehicles. I was being sarcastic of course. I've been to 25+ states hoping to one day hit all 50, wouldn't that be neat! That's all I got for right now more to come later. This is of course the condensed version. I think one day it will be a book, just not here and not now.

Peace, Mallory

Fear Not Little Sparrow!

OUCH! Today has been a hard day. As I mentioned we had a full house. My little baby nephew actually ended up in my twin bed last night. It was sweet, but it was hard for me to sleep. So today I was a zombie, very tired. Also for some reason I am really sore. So much so that it is difficult for me to do much of anything. Sometimes just trying to find relief can be frustrating. I'm kind of starting to wonder if I'm becoming immune to my pain medicine,Tramadol which I take two 50 mg tablets 3x a day for my back pain. On September 30th I have a follow up appointment with my Neurologist. I'm hoping to get something stronger for the pain. I would also like to get some labs done and schedule another MRI. I'm kind of wondering how I should begin telling my story. I know that I would like to continue sharing about my day to day experience of how both Acute Transverse Myelitis and Lupus are affecting my body. I'm believing for negative test results y'all! God has shown me glimpses of what he has in store for my future. Knowing some of them has got me holding onto the hope that complete healing is in store!!! I know that He is Jehovah Rapha my Healer! My younger bro told me today that God cares about us being free from our sin as much as he does our sickness. He is a caring, forgiving, big God that watches over the sparrow. He is Jehovah Jireh our Provider!

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Mathew 10: 29-31

Home Sweet Home!!!

So this morning my brother came in my room at G&G's and woke me up at 8:30. He told me that he didn't really sleep at all last night, because he is still getting used to being on our schedule. We left my grandparents today. We had quite the Prayer and Worship session on the way home. It was great!! The car ride was rough on my back, like usual. Fatigue also got me today especially because my bro got me up early. What a bugger! It's good to be back home after 2 weeks away. We got home and fell asleep. We are now out and about doing my bro's laundry and getting groceries. We will have my niece and nephew over tonight. We will be crowded in our rv which we have called home since March 15th, 2010. It has been cozy but not nearly enough space. :) It's not the first time either so I know we can handle it till we find the right place for us. More to come on that later. Interesting since I quit plaquenil my joints haven't even hurt. While I was taking it they actually ached badly everyday. Now to spend more quality time with my little bro, and neice and nephew!!!

Mallory

Be Still, And Know That He Is God!

Wow, yeah like most other days the fatigue I was experiencing was very aggravating. I tried to rest, but my body wouldn't let me. I also think it was because, I was looking forward to seeing my bro that I haven't seen in a month. He met us at G&G's and will make the rest of the trip with us home tomorrow. The roof is not finished yet, but should be sometime tomorrow. They made a lot of progress with six guys on that roof at one time or another. It's been a hectic place, that's no lie. Somehow after getting all my clothes to fit in my suitcase it exploded when I got to G&G's. I guess I just figured that since I'm not riding in a tight compact car, that I have more freedom. I think it's important to note that my joints have not been bothering me much at all. YIPPEE!! My back has been hurting, but not to the extent of some of the other more painful moments I've had. My 15 month old nephew has been clinging on to me these couple days and it has been nice, but also very tiring. It will be good to be able to catch up with my brother, while he is home for a week. His schedule is different from ours, so hopefully he can get that switched around. That way we could actually see him while he is visiting. Anyways, I'm ready to get myself home. I've been gone since Sept. 12th, so nearly 2 weeks now. Oh I also want to note that it is my older bro and his wife's first anniversary on Sunday. Congrats guys! <3

Peace, Mallory

Precious Cargo!

It was an interesting one today. I felt very tired, and my back was super sore. It was a very stressful day for me today. I guess I was just overwhelmed. I felt like I had a lot of responsibilities put on me that I couldn't handle. My family is trying to help my grandparents get their house shingled before friday night because my brother is coming home from IHOP for a week visit!! Anyways with that being said it rained today (Thursday), meaning that nothing got done. Yuck, I hate the pressure, frustration and so much worry that people are radiating. It just doesn't help how I already feel. I'm really tired, so I will just leave it at that and say "goodnight!"

Mallory

Night Owl! Whoo Me?

Wow, did I ever sleep last night. It was like I was sleep deprived. Slept from midnight, till noon! Beauty Eh! So, I know I told you that I was going to back track, and I will. I'm just not sure when, or where for sure to start. It will probably be quite the process of elimination. There is so much to say and so much that probably doesn't have a place being in this blog. So, with that said I also find myself on the road quite a bit and will not be able to write everyday. I have however been finding this very enjoyable and therapeutic. Today I woke up and didn't feel very good in my stomach. I'm still trying to conquer that right now. I'm at my Grandma's till the end of the week. I will be helping her make buns and rolls today! Hopefully, I don't wear myself out. Anyways, I better get to it, lots to do.

So, today gma got her rolls and buns made. I made hot chicken dish and brownies. I was so glad when my family arrived! I was missing them! Those little ones bring so much joy to me! LOVE LOVE LOVE! Well bed is calling and telling me that I can't sleep till noon again tomorrow! :D

Mallory

God Is The Cure!

Today I made it back to my own time zone!!! My visit in Colorado was nice. I enjoyed being able to spend time with family that I don't get to see very often. On my way home today I decided that I am going to back track. I am a pretty private person, and my most comfortable communication setting is one on one. I do however believe that God has a plan and it is bigger than my own. I believe that there is a reason for each and everything I've gone through in my life. The good, bad, and the ugly. God has a purpose for it all. So, I stand firm in knowing that. Today on our way  home my grandma brought it up to the ladies that we were riding with that I had an incurable disease. They of course asked about it and I gave a brief description. Then it was quiet for a bit and I said "God Is The Cure!" Amen! Anyways, I am not a writer, but I am going to attempt it. I want to do what I feel lead to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CifJ8kbRJs&feature=related

Oh No, Not Pretzels Again!?!?!?!

So, it turns out by going off Plaquenil I was doing what the Doctor asked after all. Last night I decided to experiment on myself a little bit and took one 200 mg Plaquenil tablet. I woke up this morning and again was in a fog, and I still am. I also felt it radiate through my hands and feet. Don't ask me it's hard to describe. My body has been doing plenty of weird things that don't make any sense to me. Anyways, I hope it doesn't last long, I have things to do today. Oh I guess I should also note that all my joints have been doing well! My back was sore last night, which is no longer surprising for people to hear me say. So, I iced it till I couldn't feel it anymore. HA! :D I'm still really tired so let's hope I have enough energy to get what I need done today! I'm holding onto God's promises for my life!

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Habakkuk 2:3

Autumn Breeze :D

Today I don't feel much like blogging. There will probably be days that I don't at all. I thought since I am just starting that it is probably good to keep it up lest I fall out of the rhythm. I'm feeling good today! I'm very tired though. It was an early morning, this morning in a different time zone. Still getting used to another families routine. Even though I'm only in Colorado I think to myself, "I can't wait to get back to the states!" I know, I know I am in the states, just far from home. Oh how I miss the weather at home it's 92 degrees here today, and I'm burning up! I'm jealous of the rest of my family as they are enjoying Autumn already. I can't wait to see some of the leaves change! Tuesday I leave Colorado so I will be back in my normal time zone again. That will be nice! I'm having a good time here besides the not feeling good the last couple of days. Today we went to church; it was a really good sermon. Then we ate at a mexican restraunt, got our nails done, and tonight I am going to a movie with a friend of mine here!!! Then tomorrow I have to figure out how to fit all my stuff into my suitcase. I'm riding back with my grandma and 2 other ladies that have a car load already. So, it shall be interesting to say the least.

Peace, Mallory

Let His love be the wind in your sails!

Lord you are beautiful, your face is all I see! Last night I went to bed without taking plaquenil (dosage is 200mg 2x a day), and I still ended up waking up in a slight fog. However controversial this may be and despite what doctors have told me to do. I decided not to take my plaquenil again this morning. To tell you the truth the fog has already started to subside after being in it for 3-4 days. I didn't wake up with stiffness in my joints for 2 days in a row now. I would say that's quite a blessing right there. The pain in my back caused by the onset and diagnoses of Acute Transverse Myelitis in 04/10 has finally started to wane. Even if just a little bit, that is better than none. When having to deal with it without cease for the past 6 months. It's exhausting. I have been icing my back all throughout the night, these past 6 months. I've had to exchange it for cold ones in the freezer every time I wake up. When I would wake up in the morning the ice pack on my back felt like a heating pad. That was because my core temp. is so high. I always need to have the air on high and freeze out anyone around me. Something very interesting though is that there only remained one cold part of my entire body; my feet. They get as cold as ice. So much so that they felt like they were burning inside. You know like when you are out in the winter, and your fingers are so frozen you need to put them under cold water first then start turning it to warm so it doesn't burn. That's the best example I can give. There is some crazy stuff that's been happening to me. Too many of them firsts and not necessarily good ones. However it is all for God's glory and his plans are perfect. I trust that!
Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.  Jeremiah 33:3

This has encouraged me a lot in the past 24 hrs : http://www.ihop.org/Publisher/Article.aspx?ID=1000066807

~ Mallory

Beautiful, Beautiful Butterfly!

Hey Y'all! Today I woke up in a little fog. I'm wondering what's up and why it just won't go away. I was awake for 1-2 hours and had to go lay down. I took a 1.5 hr nap. I then was up got myself ready and we went into town for a little while. After the second store I started to feel awful in my stomach. Oh and another thing the heat here makes me want to pass out, mostly because my core temp is already sky high! Thank goodness I don't have a history of fainting! I called the nurse yesterday and asked about continueing to stay on hydroxychloroquine (plaquenil). She returned my call today and said "that they want me to stay on it two more weeks to see if the side affects subside." That would not be my first choice, I just want to be off of it! It's making me lose my hair, like some people lose their marbles. Okay maybe not that much but I can definitely tell a difference. It is thinning out. :( My hair oh my beautiful thick hair. This morning while I was resting I was thinking about something that I wrote awhile back. It was about a butterfly. The process is really something. A caterpillar spins itself a cocoon and has to stay in it for weeks to months depending on the species. Then through all that waiting, staying, eduring it becomes a beautiful, beautiful butterfly! I love butterflies, they make me think of new life! As I GO THROUGH each and everyday of this, I think about exactly that. It's a proccess, a trial, a tunnel. Sometimes we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but we have to trust that it is there. We have to trust that when we get THROUGH it we will be that new life!!!

Somethings I've been reading are :
http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/10/26/14-fruits-and-vegetables-that-provide-the-best-protection-against-arthritis.htm
&
http://naturalfoodsmerchandiser.com/tabId/66/itemId/3096/Spicing-up-health-with-capsaicin.aspx

That's all for now, Mallory

The RollerCoaster, some call it fun others call it scary and painful

So, not knowing where to start or what exactly to say, I start here. Today 9/16/2010 was a rough day. I am in Colorado visiting family. Over the past two days here I have been experiencing an uncomfortable fog. I told my aunt that I felt like I got hit by a truck. She said "what concerns me is that you know what that feels like." I thought well she has a very good point there. That is something I for sure have never experienced. Here is what I do know, I have been taking hydroxychloroquine (plaquenil) for about 2 months now. I think that it might have finally got into my system (rhuemy said it would take 4-12 weeks). Making my stomach as well as my head feel awful. So much so that I wasn't even able to concentrate. The fatigue that I have been feeling these past couple days is almost incomparable. This sickness is something that I never thought I would go through, but am now having to endure every moment of this gruesome disease. Something lots of you will never have or probably ever hear about, until now. Let me take you on this journey with me, as I feel that the very purpose of all of this is for HIS glory!

For my aching joints I am using capsaicin hot patch. Which does feel like fire. Note to self: do not ever wipe a tear away again after using capsaicin on the joints (even if you did wash your hands prior to doing so)

~Mallory