Scared, but Strong. Being confident in His love.

To Start my back hurts super terrible today! Nerve pain Extreme! So Tired! Even Had a Nap!

When the rhuematologist started doing labs back in 2007 I remember telling my mom that "it doesn't matter what the diagnoses is, God is in control."  When I got my diagnoses of lupus via usps my parents were over 20 hrs away. It was quite a challenging day when the news arrived. I guess I went into the ER with the same idea, "whatever it is, God is in control." As I said we got to the hospital and my mom went in and came back out with a nurse and a wheelchair. The whole time I knew I needed a wheelchair but wanted to down play the severity of it even though I knew I needed immediate attention! After being in the waiting room for half an hour and filling out my paper work I was back in a room on a bed. As I was waiting a nurse was in doing my vitals when I told them I believed I had Transverse Myelitis. Things I remember : I was really thirsty, that when someone walked past my door or made a sudden movement I had an intense electric shock band across my lower back (comparisson to an electric fence by both being electrifying and spikey), and updating fb and texting people to let them know I was in the ER (please pray!)  When the first Dr. came he did a sphincter test to see if I still had feeling. They said "if I didn't there would be chance of paralysis (which there was chance of anyways with the diagnoses I received.) I passed the sphincter test. I still think it's interesting that I got one done there cause the Gastroenterologist I saw later on down the road told me that "they don't do those here." Mhmm I'm sure they don't!

When the head ER Dr. came in I pretty much told him " I think I have Transverse Myelitis." And the testing did begin. I got my first ever cat scan first with out contrast and then with the contrast dye. They had to do the cat scan to see if I had masses on my brain to find out if I had MS or to eliminate it. I passed the Cat Scan PRAISE THE LORD no brain masses! Thank you Jesus!  I was brought up to my room next the place I'd call "home" for the next week. That night my mom met the Nuerologist that would be taking care of me from that point on.
I'll have to get out some notes, and rack some brains before I can continue with what happened that night. I just want to make sure I get all the details in. Where's the video camera when u need it?

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalms 42:11

"LET not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me." John 14:1

I wouldn't have chosen this, but He knows better than I & His plans are Perfect even when I cannot see.

Okay so I know it's been a bit since I let you know where I'm at. Well, let me get you up to date in a jiffy here. Since my last entry, well I've spent most of my last week in bed or on the couch. A simple cold I had turned into full blown Streptococcal pharyngitis A.K.A. Strep Throat. I'm not sure at this point what would be more disgusting a picture, or me just telling you about it. Well, I guess I could do both. :) I'm actually gonna just be kind and tell you that I believe it was my first time having strep. I tried at first to treat it on my own.......I like natural remedies. However, I don't necessarily know if natural likes me. So, I had to move on to try cephalexin which is used for strep. I was on about 1,000 mg of that stuff for two days with my strep just getting worse. I had fever, aches, pains, & swollen, pussy, bloody tonsils. With my attempt to go natural and even the antibiotic failing me while my throat was bleeding and concerns of something else going on with my auto-immune system being compromised I decided to go to the ER.

 At the ER I told them I've never had strep, but if I did this is definitely it. The nurse came into take a culture and the Dr. was in there at the same time had a look and said "we're treating you what do you want, the pills or the shot." I said "which works faster?" The Dr. replied "the shot." Me as I roll up my sleeve "I'll take the shot." She said "Oh no, It doesn't go there. So, to date shot #3 in backside. I got to admit I was nervous. She said "I have to warn you it stings!" Last time I got a shot in my backside 2010 (which you will hear about that story in the future), the nurse gave me a shot and said "man you're a bleeder....(I've never been bothered by needles or passed out in my life) but she shouldn't have showed me the 3 inch needle and said man you're a bleeder.....just sayin'. Anyways to say all that I got a little light headed and had to lay down. So this time I was like I don't want to pass out for real so I told the nurse the story and said "if I bleed don't tell me!" I asked if it compared at all to a corticosteroid shot since I got one of those in 2007 and I will never forget that pain. I don't remember the last time I got a penicillin shot ( It was probably at age 3 when I had Pneumonia). The nurse said "She didn't think it was nearly as bad as a corticosteroid and she asked me if I thought so," and I said "no", and by that time it was done, leaving me only with a quarter sized bruise.

My Last Entry from the week of April 11th 2010. After this I will go from memory having to recall my hospital visit and the time leading up to present day. Lord please give me grace. I need help to remember!

• That morning my family went to work and I was at the hotel by myself. My Grandma called and said that her sister had tingling in her legs and she was diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis and that I should look it up. I was reluctant at first but for some reason went ahead and looked it up. It just so happened that I had every symptom listed. I called my mom and read the whole web page to her. My sister in law, the kids and I were heading back home that afternoon and my mom called after talking to a family friend who said she had a missed call from my mom, but my mom has no recollection of calling here. The family friend is a physical therapist. She asked my mom how I was doing, my mom said that I was falling and had incontinence. After that She said "You need to take your daughter to the ER to see a neurologist" knowing at this point it was something very serious. My mom called and said “Mallory you need to go to ER” So she drove 2hrs home. While I was waiting my sister in law stayed with me awhile and I had to go out and turn the water on for the camper, on my way out I fell from the second step of the camper to the ground. Mom got here and when we got to the hospital I wanted a wheelchair because I was so weak and didn’t want to fall again.

Let the testing begin……..the story continues!!!!

On the road again...as if it's going out of style!

So this last weekend I took a trip up north to visit my bro and his fam. As I was there I looked out the kitchen window to see the trampoline in the back yard and so many emotions come rushing back into my head of that weekend in April 2010. Then I go to the post office as I get out of the vehicle and step over a foot of snow on the curb, I'm reminded of each and everyday going to the p.o. and trying to lift my legs high enough to make it up fewer than 10 steps to get inside the door to mail my packages. Slowly but surely strengthening my muscles in my legs. This time much easier than before! I'm amazed at where the Lord has brought me, because so much of it seems like yesterday. I think mostly cause I live with the pain everyday. I will not be content with staying where I'm at, but I will revel in knowing that God is a good good Shepherd and He leads perfectly!!! His Timing not my own you know!! What He say's He has for me is not always what I see, Lord please give me new perspective. More from April 2010 At the work site I was so relieved to see my family, though still in a lot of pain and very exhausted. I started cleaning out the car as we waited for them to finish up and I was squatting down by the front seat collecting the trash. I then tried to get up and couldn’t, I grabbed onto the door multiple times and thought of calling someone over to help but didn't see anyone. I then mustered up enough strength to get up. I started telling my mom that I was so tired I needed to sit down. She told me I could sit in the van with my nephew but it was locked. There is this button we have under the license plate that we can push to get in, so I went to go push it crouched down in my little position we all know of pretty well now, and I got stuck. My nephew was in my arms and I yelled over to mom to come get him and it just didn’t seem like she came fast enough. She called my brother over who had to use all his muscles to lift me, since my legs couldn’t do any of the work. At the time he laughed and thought we were joking. I didn’t know this at the time but I guess my mom whispered “she could have M.S.” He then helped with little to no hesitation, and I was up on two feet again. That night at the hotel, I started to text everybody on my phone contact list that I could. I asked them to pray for me, and to add me to their church prayer chain. Early Sunday, April 11th around 5 am I got up to use the bathroom took a few steps out of bed and fell straight on my back. I was okay I barely even knew what had happened it was so quick. My mom sat up right away to make sure I was alright and I said that I was, however obviously something was terribly wrong with me, like I was thinking all along when I went to urgent care each and every time.